STAGING

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.

--Shakespeare, As You Like It

I looked at the cells through the microscope. They looked “happy enough” as my friend the pathologist described them as he helped me review the slides from my cone biopsy. Regular, smooth, ordered, each dotted with the small purple nucleus of normal cells. Then he showed me some scarier looking areas…not so happy. Jagged, irregular (mitotic) nuclei, looking all revved up and angry, big bloated dysplastic cells looking just about ready to burst with pink cytoplasm, and glands, functional components of cervical tissue choked with abnormality. A very few, rare, he said in his final report, were actually invasive through the glands. He showed me these areas and reiterated how magnified it all was under the scope. And then he printed out a copy of his report.

UTERINE CERVIX, CONE BIOPSY:
RARE MINUTE FOCI OF SUPERFICIALLY INVASIVE
SQUAMOUS CELL CARCINOMA IN A SETTING OF EXTENSIVE CARCINOMA IN SITU WITH BULKY
ENDOCERVICAL GLAND INVOLVEMENT. HIGH GRADE DYSPLASIA, BUT NOT INVASIVE
CARCINOMA, IS PRESENT AT THE ECTOCERVICAL MARGIN OF EXCISION.

TNM
staging: T1A1, NX, MX.

So that was it. I had cervical cancer. An early form of it, from what the biopsy had captured, but carcinoma in situ/severe dysplasia at the margins, which to me was a concern, and most likely an indication for more surgery.

I told my husband, showed my boss, did some research on the internet, rolled the diagnosis around in my head for days, and counted on seeing my doctor in about a week to hear her recommendations. For whatever reason, I kept it all inside…talking to very few people about it at all.